*These journal entries are unedited(except for names, where I use initials instead), taken straight from the pages of my past. Some moments I am happy to revisit, and some moments I feel ashamed to admit, but they are all the moments of my life, good bad or otherwise.*
the gold flows
the gold and the rubies
flow through the richest city in the world
The light shines the 405
everything goes dark in the plane
I’m coming home again
Dream: I am in a class with KB helping her describe something – I am wearing my black slip that C gave me. My hair is messy. What are we doing? Some sort of required school project – then in walks Lady Gaga – she’s much prettier and I wonder if she’s had work done – with Aerosmith lead singer. They are happy as clams being who they are. All of a sudden I run out of the room (it’s not our turn to go up yet) thinking to myself “I am SO CLOSE to them yet so far away – I could do what they do why AREN’T I?” and I run down the hall – out of the corner of my eye, I sense SD sitting on a bench in the shadows, cowboy hat tipped forward – I run into the girls bathroom – and he follows me in – he’s concerned about me, he offers me a brown liquid in a tom collins-sized chemistry tube – when I ask him what it is, he says something like “this is most-potent w*&#!” I say “S, I’m really not in a good place leave me be” and turn my head to the wall where I sit, dejected and teary-eyed. Everything is brown-tile and wood. An old school. Suddenly 2 girls come in and are shocked to see S in there – as he exits with apologies to them, I see my chance to escape from him and sneak out a side entrance (window?) to this bathroom and now I am running free on the playground back towards that classroom where KB and the assignment waits – I am happy to be outside and free.