… I decide to take it out on my journal. I scribbled down this rant circa Friday, September 30th:
- I’ve been going non-stop since February
- made lots of progress (although when I watch footage, I still cringe)
- Finally, my body has rebelled – body AND soul!
- caught a bad cold end of last week, still recovering
- both feet suffering pain either from new shoes or threat of stress fractures – god I hope not! Hoping it’s just some bruising and tightness
- right hamstring has rebelled – pulling on my lower right back and tightening right calf
- weather change and open window = tight neck and back
- over-worked right-side soaz
- I miss acting – set it aside in 2014 to train for Giselle, and now I want to go back!
- I don’t know if I’ll be happy in a company
- I’ve been eating/watching/reading ballet – OVERLOAD!
- started doing OTHER things:
- Guitar – writing/learning songs
- cooking/baking – killer spaghetti sauce!
- reading Harry Potter
- binge watching Stranger Things, Penny Dreadful, The Carol Burnett Show
What’s tough is when you enjoy doing so many different things, AND you have “Shiny New Object” syndrome, it can be tempting to leap back and forth.
God I am sick of listening to myself think! It’s the “waiting to heal” that is so annoying. Work smarter, not harder!
As I read through the above journal entry several days later, it occurred to me that, when things get tough, our mettle is tested. And, for me, this was a big test. I am happy I took time to get over the cold, rest my hamstring (which is on the mend, slowly), and do some nice, non-ballet-related activities. Words like Balance and Consistency come to mind. I think, if I am completely honest, that any time I come up against a challenge, the fall-back reaction is to toss it aside and start a new project. Something to ponder. It’s starting to make sense, and it’s becoming clear to me that this revelation applies to many prior events in my life. Ballet was, is, and ever will be the biggest challenge I have ever attempted, and I feel that it is the only one I just refuse to let go. Is this good or bad? Hmmm…